Have you ever looked at someone and thought,
“How are they so confident—and why don’t I feel that way?”
For a long time, I believed confidence was something people were either born with or magically developed after achieving big things. I thought I had to wait until I felt confident before I could speak up, show up, or go after what I wanted.
But here’s the truth:
Confidence doesn’t just appear. It’s built—one intentional step at a time. And anyone can build it. Yes, even you. These five mindset and behavior shifts helped me stop shrinking, start showing up, and finally feel proud of the way I carried myself in my everyday life.
Start Before You Feel Ready
Confidence doesn’t come before action. It comes from action. Most people are waiting to “feel” confident before they take the leap—whether it’s starting a business, applying for a job, speaking up in a relationship, or just showing up fully. But the truth is, readiness is a decision, not a feeling. I started by taking tiny, uncomfortable steps:
- Sending the email even when I was nervous
- Showing up on video even when I didn’t feel polished
- Saying “yes” to things that stretched me
And over time, those small acts became evidence that I could trust myself.
Keep Promises to Yourself
Confidence is built through self-trust. Every time you say, “I’m going to do this” and then actually do it, you’re telling your brain: “I’m someone who shows up.” For me, this started with small commitments:
- Waking up when I said I would
- Journaling even when I didn’t feel like it
- Following through on what I scheduled
It wasn’t about being perfect—it was about being consistent. That’s what built the kind of quiet, grounded confidence that didn’t depend on external validation.
Stop Comparing—Start Reconnecting
Comparison kills confidence. There’s nothing more draining than scrolling through someone else’s highlight reel and then judging your life against it. I had to learn to turn inward. I began asking:
- What makes me feel alive?
- What am I proud of—no matter how small?
- Where do I already have what I used to pray for?
Confidence doesn’t come from trying to be like someone else. It comes from getting clear on who you are—and owning it.
Speak to Yourself Like Someone You Love
The way you talk to yourself matters. You cannot build confidence while bullying your own mind. At one point, I realized I was saying things to myself that I’d never say to a friend:
- “You’re so behind.”
- “You’re not good enough for this.”
- “Who do you think you are?”
So I started shifting the script. Now I say:
- “You’re growing. That counts.”
- “This is hard, but you’re doing it.”
- “You’re allowed to take up space.”
Self-compassion isn’t weakness—it’s the foundation of self-worth.
Confidence Is a Practice—Not a Personality Trait
You don’t wake up one day and suddenly feel confident forever. Like any skill, confidence must be practiced, protected, and personalized. Here’s what my current confidence practice looks like:
- Celebrating even the smallest wins
- Speaking truth when fear wants to lead
- Surrounding myself with people who reflect my strength back to me
- Letting myself be seen—even if I don’t feel “ready”
If confidence were a muscle, these are my reps.
Final Word: Confidence Is Who You Become Through Courage
If you’ve ever thought:
“I’m just not a confident person…” Let this be your reframe: Confidence is not something you’re born with. It’s something you build by showing up, even when it’s hard. It’s built through courage. Through self-trust. Through compassion. Through doing the thing—even when your voice shakes. And little by little, you become the kind of person who believes in herself—and lives like it.
